I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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