We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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