New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
