WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
