so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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