btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
