oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
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If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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