Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize