Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
