Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
