Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
