hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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