Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
