Did you just see the Batmobile???
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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