I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
