I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
