There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize