Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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