you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
