What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
