well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
