So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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