I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
