so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
