I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Please don't give away my fajitas
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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