I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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