talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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