I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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