He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
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I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
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Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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