Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
