i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
