SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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