ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
