We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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