I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just found puke in my bra..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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