That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
