My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
