I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
