It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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