he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
