i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
