Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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