are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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