i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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