wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
my poor anus
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
