it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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