I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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