no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
