sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
zippers are such a cool invention
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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