You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
