White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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