apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
