It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
