I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's blow job season.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
