I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
