I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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