Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
