it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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