And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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