Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
