Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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