They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
