After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
