just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
